Violence in relationships and in close social circles can take very different forms—but it usually develops a similar dynamic. These are by no means isolated, isolated acts of violence; rather, they can be described as a spiral of violence. This spiral of violence progresses through four phases, which follow one another at increasingly shorter intervals and with increasing intensity. Phases of reconciliation and apparent harmony play a special role, repeatedly awakening hope for a violence-free shared future.
The typical course of the spiral of violence:
Phase 1: Building tension. The perpetrator builds up over a longer period of time psychological violence A stressful, anxiety-filled atmosphere develops. The affected woman acts with increasing restraint. She increasingly focuses her own behavior on avoiding any cause for outbursts of anger or arguments and on "pleasing" the other person. Her own needs are pushed into the background. The affected woman often blames herself for the situation: "If only I hadn't..."
Phase 2: Outbreak of physical violence. The prolonged psychological violence culminates in a shorter outbreak of physical violence. During this phase, affected women and their children are particularly at risk of serious physical injury. Immediately after the act of violence, victims often overcome the need to take the first steps to protect themselves or their children.
Phase 3: Calm, remorse, attention. Typically, following an outburst of violence, the perpetrator will attempt to reconcile and appease the other person. They often behave in a particularly loving manner, apologize, express remorse, and assure the other person that it was an exception and won't happen again. For many victims, this behavior triggers hope that the situation will improve, so they give the relationship another chance. This paves the way for the cycle of violence to continue.
Phase 4: Shifting responsibility. After the conciliatory honeymoon phase, the perpetrator typically begins to deny responsibility for the violent outburst, justify themselves, or downplay what happened. A phase of renewed psychological manipulation begins.
The spiral of violence begins again at phase 1.
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